Time Flies!

It has been over a year since my last post!  Hard to believe.  But what is even harder to believe is that the 3 year anniversary of the day my girls came to live with us is just around the corner!  On the other hand it seems like they have always been there.  It has been an amazing journey watching them grow!  They have flourished in the last 3 years.  Our oldest who was severally speech delayed when she came to us, is now reading and getting in trouble for talking too much at school.  Our 3 year old is constantly impressing people with her vocabulary, and just about has writing her name down pat. (Still working on the "Y")  They are respectful, kind, and extremely caring.  My 3 year old started crying that I killed a cockroach the other day, because his family will be looking for him.  The girls truly love each other.  They play so well together.  Not to say they never fight.  That is a daily occurrence, but what siblings don't fight.  But when one of them gets hurt, the other always comforts them.  When the 3 year old is having trouble getting her socks on right, her sister helps her.  When they are getting a snack, they always get some for the other one.  It is truly a honor and joy, and I truly feel a privilege, to be their father.

I don't say all this to brag about what a great parenting job we have done. (Though I think we have done a pretty damn good job if I say so myself!)  I think the true wisdom in all this is that if you follow the training we have gotten from our agency, but even more importantly from the bible, it is possible to raise kids that are respectful, kind, caring, and a joy to be around.  We have never babied the girls.  We have given them tons of love, but expected them to follow directions, be obedient, and use their manners.  We have given them privileges when they earn them, and removed them when they earn that too.  We have taught them right from wrong.  We have taught them that it is better to put others before yourself.  I find that so many parents these days think that discipline is stifling their child.  They let their kids do whatever they want, and then wonder why they act like little brats.  Kids want limits and direction, they just don't realize that they want it.  They need that direction.  They crave it.  I am not saying to be a controlling dictator.  I am not saying that they cannot have any fun.  Discipline doesn't have to be a spanking or even a time out.  Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for.  Talk to them.  Explain to them what is expected.  Tell them why what they did was wrong, or even better, what they did was right.  Explain to them the consequences of their actions.  Teach them to think before they act.  They grow up so fast!  Take the time to talk to them.  Take the time to listen to them.  They will tell you a lot more than you think they are if you really listening.  Listen while they are playing.  They will repeat the lessons you have taught them to their dolls.  They will also imitate the bad things you say or the bad example you may set, so be careful and think before you act too.  One of the other big tools I have learned is to apologize when you make a mistake.  I have a quick temper.  I know it and constantly work on it.  Anytime I get too angry with them and yell too much, I always apologize.  They immediately give me a hug afterward.  For them to learn that Mommy and Daddy make mistakes too but will apologize when they are wrong, is a huge lesson.  It teaches them to apologize, but it also teaches them not to expect perfection out of themselves or others.

I feel like this post is a bit rambling.  I started out talking about our upcoming 3 year anniversary and somehow launched into a diatribe about raising kids.  I guess having worked in retail for the last 8 months and watched so many parents come into our store with their kids running wild, climbing on tables, fighting, throwing insane fits, being completely disrespectful of their parents as well as other adults, has really made me realize how little parenting is really being done.  It makes me sad to see these kids getting so little direction.  And then I deal with entitled adults who think the world is here to serve them and I know they were never taught reality as a kid.  This makes me dread the future when the kids we see running wild today become adults!

Time flies by so fast!  Don't waste it!  I have spent the last 8 months trying to do the best I could with a terrible schedule.  I am happy to say that Friday will be my last day.  Starting Friday night I will be home evening and weekends from her on out.  I have missed my family a lot over these last few months.  So never take for granted the time you have with your loved ones.  Make the most of that time.  Be present and attentive.  Be the person you want your kids to be!

PS.  I am going to be trying to write here again.  I hope this is of some interest or use to you. 

Date Night

I love my girls!  I love them more than I can describe.  But sometimes you have to have a break!  This weekend some friends of ours took the girls for an overnight stay at their house.  (I love our friends!)  My wife had gone to get her hair cut and wanted to do a date night.  The girls were super excited about getting to have a sleep over.  They both had to take their own suitcase, because sharing one just wasn't an option.

After they left we got ready and went and had wine and hors d'oeuvres at an upscale shopping area.  Then we went and had sushi.  We both love sushi, but since getting the girls we don't get to have it very often for obvious reasons.  It was so nice to just have a quiet, leisurely dinner.  It was nice to actually be able to have a conversation without having to tell the kids to keep their food on the table, or get your fork out of your hair.  After dinner we went home and watched a movie.  Guess what?  It wasn't a Disney movie!  We slept in.  I don't mean we got up at 7:30 instead of the usual 6:00.  We slept until 9:45!  We probably would have slept even later if the bird hadn't decided it was time to wake up.  We had a nice breakfast and Starbucks.  We had time to get ready for our religious services.  The house was quiet.  It was really nice... and then we started to miss the girls.

We met up with them at our religious services.  They were very excited to see us, but I think we were more excited to see them.  We got and gave, big hugs and kisses.  Then we started chasing them around to make sure they were behaving.  Things were back to normal.

To me all of this shows the importance "date nights."  You need that break every once in a while.  You need that quiet time as a couple to recharge your batteries.  To enjoy some adult conversation.  To enjoy just being together.  To be able to focus on each other for a little while.  But also to remind you why you love having kids in the first place!

Why? Why? Why?

If you have kids you have heard that question more times than you can count.  If you have one in the 2-6 year old range you hear it constantly!  Our oldest who is 4 and a half is the Queen of Why!  It can get very irritating for me, especially when she asks "why" about the same thing multiple times in a row.  My wife is much better about it.  I am trying to improve.  Let me layout a story for you which shows why it is better to keep answering those "whys" instead of shutting them down:

First let me give you some background.  We took the girls to see Tangled for the second time on Sunday afternoon.  In the movie, Rapunzel's hair is long and blonde and magic.  If it gets cut, it turns brown and is no longer magic.  At the end of the movie the hero cuts her hair off to keep the evil old lady from being able to use it.  She then ages so quickly she disappears as she falls from the tower. (Sorry if I spoiled the movie for you.)

Fast forward to the drive home.  I wish I had a recording of the conversation so I could get it just right, but I will do my best from memory.  The oldest starts out asking "why" did he cut her hair?  My wife explains it to her.  "Why" did the old lady die when he cut it?  "Why" did she turn to dust?  "Why" did he cut her hair? "Why" did it lose it's magic?  "Why" did the old lady die?  "Why" did her hair turn brown?  "Why" did he cut it?  "Why did it lose it's magic?  "Why" did her hair turn brown?

At this point I am getting annoyed.  She keeps asking the same questions and my wife keeps explaining it to her.  But my wife caught on to something I missed.  She kept asking questions, but more and more it kept coming back to her hair losing it's magic and turning brown from blonde.  Her hair is brown.  My wife and the youngest girl have blonde hair.  See where this is going?  She was concerned that her hair wasn't as good as theirs.  She didn't want to ask that straight out, so she kept asking about the movie.  My wife picked up on this much sooner than I did.  She kept calmly answering the "whys" and started stressing more and more that the movie was pretend and had nothing to do with real life.  She finally told her that in real life it didn't matter what color your hair is.  There is no such thing as magic hair and every color of hair is just as good as any other.  Finally the 4 year old was satisfied and stopped asking "why".

So the point of this post is to encourage all parents out there, myself especially, to not get irritated with the "whys".  Keep answering their questions, even if it is the same one over and over.  It may be leading somewhere that touches on who they are and how they feel about themselves.  If we shut them down before they get there we could miss an opportunity to build them up as a person.  Or even worse, we could reinforce a negative self perception.

Little Sponges

So I just returned from taking a week long intensive class in teaching English as a second language, or TESOL.  I took the class as a means to an end.  After taking the course I am eligible to do a distance learning course to get a degree in education.  I want to get the degree as a safety net in case the work situation takes a nose dive.  But after taking the class I am so happy I went for another reason.  I learned that we are far underestimating the ability of our kids!  And I don't mean just my wife and I.  I mean society in general.

The class showed a video by The Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential.  In it they showed how amazingly capable a child's brain is of learning new information and concepts at an incredible rate of speed.  It mentioned how all kids are born geniuses and we de-genius them by not challenging them, especially in their early years.  If you have children, especially under 6, I highly recommend checking them out.  They use flash cards at a very fast rate of speed to teach kids "bits of knowledge".  It is really amazing how fast our little sponges can learn things and retain them.  Needless to say we will be challenging our girls much more now that we are informed.

We also learned some methods for making learning fun.  We learned how to use physical activities to get the brain to register information more quickly and accurately.  We learned methods to take better notes ourselves and how to get more out of meetings, talks or presentations we go to.  For more info on that, Google Brain Mapping.  We learned that learning a new language isn't as hard as it may seem.  In fact, you really only need to learn around 800 words in any given language to be basically fluent for everyday conversations.  And only 100 words to be 50% proficient.  That little bit of knowledge makes learning a new language much less daunting.

Most of the methods that were taught make learning fun and interesting.  It makes you do things like sing, dance, act, juggle, role play, and exercise all while learning.  If our schools taught kids using these methods, kids would look forward to school instead of dreading it.  We would have much smarter people graduating from school more prepared to face the world.  Now if I only were rich enough to send my girls to a private school that does use these methods.  Of better yet, had the time and ability to teach them myself.  Regardless, we will be including these activities in our family time from now on.

So look out!  I am going to let my girls stay the geniuses that they came to me as.  Too bad it is too late for me!

Weird Sentences

So last week I posted a list of funny things the kids have said.  I have also been keeping a list of weird sentences we find coming out of our mouths.  A few of these were submitted by friends, but most of these were ours.  Enjoy!


We don't throw fits on the potty.

Don't put the pencil sharpener on you sister's toe... I don't care if it fits!

No!  We don't eat gel.

I was inspired by Snow White.

Put the dishes back in the kitchen.  You can use them to cook, not as skateboards.

Yes you can make a salad with the paper towels.

You can't say "no" to someone who's not here.  They can't hear you.

No chewing on your sister's skunk.

Pick up your balls girls.

Everyone has nose hairs.

Were in a gazebo not a canoe.

Because we don't have a spaceship.

They're not balls, they're breasts.

Books are not vacuum cleaners.

Don't chase your sister with your hot dog in your mouth.

Is it cold?  That's because it's ice.

You can't eat your Cheerios if you're playing with your rock.

She Tinker-fied me.

You just hit mommy in the head with your fork!

The last straw was when you licked the soap.

But thats not your pocket that's your zipper.

Cucumbers can't walk.

Don't sit on the dirty diapers.  That's poopy!

Knives don't go on your head!

It's refried beans not free beans.

We don't lick people.  That's gross!

Shoes are not food!

What did he do?  He tried to bite her lamb?

You ate my owie?  How'd that taste?

Be careful!  Don't bite your fingers!

Put your skunk and monkey away.

No spitting in the car!

Just stop thinking about spit!

We don't gargle our hot chocolate!

No gargling in the car.

"But/butt" has more than one meaning.

She can't.  She has her hippos in her hands.

Panties don't go in your mouth.

Stop!  Don't ever lick an escalator.

Stop licking the furniture!

No, the gum under the table is not your surprise treat.

You can't pee in the yard.  We don't live in the country anymore.

Stop flicking my nipple son.

Stop rubbing your food on me.

Kid Quotes

I have been keeping track of some of the funny things our girls say.  I am hoping to have enough for a book someday.  In the mean time here is my current list.  Enjoy.  I call it:


Heard from the backseat

Kid 1: Why is the house made of stones?
Me: Because it makes it strong.
Kid 1: Houses can't eat vegetables, it doesn't have a mouth.

Who wants my spit?

If you fall we'll go to the hospital and they will put your head back on.

I'm cooking my worms.

How tall are you?  Little or short?

Wanna see my snot?  It's pretty gross.

Josh, are you awake?  Pick your nose!

Sharks eat spiders!

It's okay spatula girl.

Mommy's wearing me out.

Kid 1:This is giving me a headache
Mom: What is?
Kid 2: Me!

If you don't like green beans I will make you a pillow.

Don't eat the trees!

I spit on my face!

I have a belly on my rash.

I pointed out a beautiful sky: "Mommy painted it!"

It sounds like it's dark.

I swallowed my spit.

I tooted on mommy

I'm gonna eat my pizza all gone, give me your head


Kid1: Are you wearing your pajamas to the store?
Mom: Yes.
Kid 1: Are you pretending?

I have a headache.  It needs some water in there.

In the morning: The moon stayed up.  He went to a party last night.

Mom singing: "Row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily"
Kid 2: No I am Emily!

Kid 1: I want to do it louder
Kid 2: No!  It will give my ears a headache.

They put a tarp on the pool so no one will steal the water.

Kid 1: I don't want it.
Kid 2: Just put it in your pomegranate.


Got any of your own?

Answers

So if you read yesterday's post you will know I asked a bunch of questions about the future of my girls.  If you didn't, scroll down!  Today I think I have an answer to all those questions:  I don't know.  And you know what?  That is okay.  I could get in an accident today on the way home.  One of the girls could develop a serious illness.  One of us could lose our job tomorrow.  Lots of things could happen that would totally change the course of our future.  The thing is that we never really know what tomorrow may bring so there is really no point in worrying about it.  Now I am not saying we shouldn't plan for the future.  That would be a huge mistake.  But the thing I have come to realize is that worrying about what might happen is completely pointless.  All it will do is add stress to your life, and Lord knows we all have enough to stress about.

I have absolutely no control over their future health.  I cannot predict their likes and dislikes as they grow older.  I cannot know that they will listen to and follow everything I teach them.  So what do I do about it?  I do the best job I can at being a dad.  I teach them the things that are important.  I teach them how to listen, how to learn.  I teach them to think for themselves and not rely on any other person to define who they are.  I teach them that it doesn't matter what the kids in school think about you, even though it may feel like the most important thing in their life at the moment.  I teach them right from wrong.  I teach them how to study and find answers on their own.  I teach them not to let others walk all over them, but at the same time to look for ways to help others.  If I do the best job I can at doing those types of things, then I have to have faith that they will turn into excellent young women.  If they choose to take another path I am sure I will be heart broken, but at least I will know I tried my best.

Also, if I am constantly worried that the girls are going to get injured or sick, I wouldn't let them experience new things.  I feel parents today have gone over board in trying to protect their kids.  Everything these days is so anti-bacterial that the first time a kid comes into contact with a germ they get sick.  When I was a kid I got hurt.  I have the scars to prove it.  But guess what?  I am still here, and I am a better person for those scars.  We didn't even have car seats when I was a kid, but we survived it.  Now I am not saying to tell your kid to run with scissors.  Buckle them up, put helmets on them before they ride their bikes, keep them safe, but let them experience life!  If you don't fall down a few times you never learn how to get back up.

Every day has new little discoveries.  It has opportunities to make memories.  That email can wait a few hours.  The dishes will still be there once the kids are in bed.  Do you really need to update your Facebook status?  One of the biggest things I keep trying to work on is being present with my girls.  I only get a couple hours a day with them after I get home from work and before they go to bed.  So during that time they need all my attention.  So if you know me, don't call between 5:30 and 7:30 unless it is an emergency.  If you text me, I won't reply until later.  Because the only way that I can teach them all the things I listed earlier is by spending time with them.  So I guess the main message I am trying to convey here is: Don't worry about the future.  Plan for it.  Work hard to make it good.  But if you are constantly worrying about the future you might just miss the present.