If you have kids you have heard that question more times than you can count. If you have one in the 2-6 year old range you hear it constantly! Our oldest who is 4 and a half is the Queen of Why! It can get very irritating for me, especially when she asks "why" about the same thing multiple times in a row. My wife is much better about it. I am trying to improve. Let me layout a story for you which shows why it is better to keep answering those "whys" instead of shutting them down:
First let me give you some background. We took the girls to see Tangled for the second time on Sunday afternoon. In the movie, Rapunzel's hair is long and blonde and magic. If it gets cut, it turns brown and is no longer magic. At the end of the movie the hero cuts her hair off to keep the evil old lady from being able to use it. She then ages so quickly she disappears as she falls from the tower. (Sorry if I spoiled the movie for you.)
Fast forward to the drive home. I wish I had a recording of the conversation so I could get it just right, but I will do my best from memory. The oldest starts out asking "why" did he cut her hair? My wife explains it to her. "Why" did the old lady die when he cut it? "Why" did she turn to dust? "Why" did he cut her hair? "Why" did it lose it's magic? "Why" did the old lady die? "Why" did her hair turn brown? "Why" did he cut it? "Why did it lose it's magic? "Why" did her hair turn brown?
At this point I am getting annoyed. She keeps asking the same questions and my wife keeps explaining it to her. But my wife caught on to something I missed. She kept asking questions, but more and more it kept coming back to her hair losing it's magic and turning brown from blonde. Her hair is brown. My wife and the youngest girl have blonde hair. See where this is going? She was concerned that her hair wasn't as good as theirs. She didn't want to ask that straight out, so she kept asking about the movie. My wife picked up on this much sooner than I did. She kept calmly answering the "whys" and started stressing more and more that the movie was pretend and had nothing to do with real life. She finally told her that in real life it didn't matter what color your hair is. There is no such thing as magic hair and every color of hair is just as good as any other. Finally the 4 year old was satisfied and stopped asking "why".
So the point of this post is to encourage all parents out there, myself especially, to not get irritated with the "whys". Keep answering their questions, even if it is the same one over and over. It may be leading somewhere that touches on who they are and how they feel about themselves. If we shut them down before they get there we could miss an opportunity to build them up as a person. Or even worse, we could reinforce a negative self perception.
First let me give you some background. We took the girls to see Tangled for the second time on Sunday afternoon. In the movie, Rapunzel's hair is long and blonde and magic. If it gets cut, it turns brown and is no longer magic. At the end of the movie the hero cuts her hair off to keep the evil old lady from being able to use it. She then ages so quickly she disappears as she falls from the tower. (Sorry if I spoiled the movie for you.)
Fast forward to the drive home. I wish I had a recording of the conversation so I could get it just right, but I will do my best from memory. The oldest starts out asking "why" did he cut her hair? My wife explains it to her. "Why" did the old lady die when he cut it? "Why" did she turn to dust? "Why" did he cut her hair? "Why" did it lose it's magic? "Why" did the old lady die? "Why" did her hair turn brown? "Why" did he cut it? "Why did it lose it's magic? "Why" did her hair turn brown?
At this point I am getting annoyed. She keeps asking the same questions and my wife keeps explaining it to her. But my wife caught on to something I missed. She kept asking questions, but more and more it kept coming back to her hair losing it's magic and turning brown from blonde. Her hair is brown. My wife and the youngest girl have blonde hair. See where this is going? She was concerned that her hair wasn't as good as theirs. She didn't want to ask that straight out, so she kept asking about the movie. My wife picked up on this much sooner than I did. She kept calmly answering the "whys" and started stressing more and more that the movie was pretend and had nothing to do with real life. She finally told her that in real life it didn't matter what color your hair is. There is no such thing as magic hair and every color of hair is just as good as any other. Finally the 4 year old was satisfied and stopped asking "why".
So the point of this post is to encourage all parents out there, myself especially, to not get irritated with the "whys". Keep answering their questions, even if it is the same one over and over. It may be leading somewhere that touches on who they are and how they feel about themselves. If we shut them down before they get there we could miss an opportunity to build them up as a person. Or even worse, we could reinforce a negative self perception.
Excellent point!
ReplyDeleteYep, I knew as soon as you mentioned the movie that she would be thinking about her own hair color. Kids are funny that way. Good job Eva! And Gabe! :)
ReplyDelete