Since no one helped me out with any questions, and I am running out of material having to do with the adoption in particular, I figured I would write a post about the power of music.
The power of music is not a new concept by any stretch of the imagination. It has probably been written on countless times, and from many different perspectives. But I figured why not add mine. Music has always been a big part of my life. One of my biggest regrets is never having really learned to play an instrument. I dabble with the trumpet, but I wouldn't begin to call myself a musician. I plan on making sure that the girls learn an instrument when they are young so they will have it when they get older. I have always had a huge interest in music though. I used to have an addiction to buying new CDs. I ended up with a massive collection of music from many different genres. I am actually glad that I was like that when I was younger, because now I have a large, diverse collection on my iPod that I would not be able to afford now that I have a family.
The thing that I love about music is it's ability to bring out so many different moods and feelings. You can catch a song on the radio, or when your music player is on shuffle, and a flood of memories come rushing back. That in itself can be a two edged sword. Sometimes those memories are welcome and other times they are anything but. Sometimes a song will make me tear up, and others will make me smile no matter what. Unfortunately some incredible songs are almost impossible for me to listen to anymore. Some remind me of dead loved ones and others of some dark times in my life. But more often than not it is a good memory. The other day I had an old Bob Segar song pop-up on my player. I immediately had memories of road trips when I was a kid. My dad loved Bob Segar, and we would listen to 8-tracks while driving to California to go to Disneyland. I ended up listening to the whole greatest hits album and soaking in the nostalgia.
Music can also be used to set or change a mood. Whenever, I am feeling down and want a pick me up, I listen to Ska or Swing music. I also go for Rodrigo y Gabriela at times. It is almost impossible to be in a bad mood while listening to that kind of music. Sometimes though you want to wallow in your misery. Then I go for some Sigur Ros or The Smiths. When I am stuck in traffic I like some Metallica or Tool. When I feel like chilling out with a magazine and a Scotch, nothing fits the mood like some Charlie Mingus or Chet Baker. No matter what you want there is music to fit the setting. It enhances the feelings and helps to make the situation feel right.
One thing we have found with the girls is how big a role music can play in getting them to do things. We seem to have a song for any activity. To get them to brush there teeth, instead of just chew or suck on the tooth brush, we sing the Move It song. (Think Madagascar: "We like to move it, move it!") We have songs for waking up. I made up a song to get them to eat. ("Chomp, Chomp, Chew, Chew, This is how we eat our food.) They both love music. For a while we were playing them kid's music in the car. After a while there was only so much of that we could take! So I went through my music and picked out songs that had a catchy chorus, or were just fun, and made a CD. The first couple listens they were not that into it. Now they ask for specific songs. The youngest loves "Perhaps" by Cake. The oldest likes "Hot, Hot, Hot" by the Cure. They both love "Go Daddy-O" by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It has made for saner car rides. I made a second CD with some Stevie Wonder, No Doubt, and others on it, that we are breaking in on them.
So it is pretty obvious that music plays a huge part in our lives. How about yours?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Why Am I Writing This?
This will be a short post. I just wanted to say that though I am writing this mostly for my own mental health, I also felt that our friends would like to know a little more about how we got here. It is also my hope that it may be of aid to any that might be thinking about adoption. That being said, if you know of anyone that has thought about adoption, please forward them the link to this. Or you could just post it to your Facebook or Twitter account. I would love it if our story could help or inspire someone else to take the plunge!
I also would like to know if you have any questions. If you do, please post them in the comments section of this post. Obviously I may keep some answers pretty vague, but I will try my best to answer them publicly. If you need more in depth answers I can always email them too you.
Thanks for reading along! I will try and post a more informative post tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Is it Different?
Is life as an adoptive parent different than that of a biological parent? That is a good question. Since I have never been a biological parent I can't answer that question with a definitive answer. My feeling on the matter though is yes and no. Vague right? Let me explain.
I think that it would be impossible to love my daughters any more if they were natural born. I feel the same overwhelming need to protect them, nurture them and love them that a natural parent would toward their child. I actually sometimes forget that we haven't always had them. When we are in a relaxed setting and playing it seems very natural. When they act up, I feel the same to need to discipline them so that they can learn to be well adjusted adults. I feel the same need to give them spiritual, educational, and behavioral guidance that a natural parent would. I want the very best for my kids just like anyone else. I also feel we have a very normal parent/child relationship. The girls are very affectionate, but will also throw a tantrum from time to time. They don't really know the situation to be any different than normal, so they act like any other kid.
However, there are some differences. Most of these have come from the method we used, though there are definitely things that a parent who adopts even a new born would tell you are different than having a natural born child. What if your child were a different race? What if people find out they were adopted and ask stupid questions? (see this blog for a good discussion on that topic: Blog ) There are definitely some questions asked by the kids that make being a parent of an adoptive child different than that of a natural born child. We have already faced some of those with our oldest. At school they were talking about babies coming from their mommies tummies. She asked my wife if she came from her tummy. We explained to her that there are many types of mommies and that she had 2 kinds of mommies. A biological mommy and an everyday mommy. We explained that her biological mommy was unable to take care of anyone, not even herself, so she made sure that her daughters were taken care of by a mommy who could. She was intrigued by the idea for a couple days, and asked the same questions a few times to get everything straight in her head, and then moved on. The oldest does have recollection of the biological family. She rarely talks about them at all, but from time to time will bring up something they said, or mention that one of her toys came from them. We are prepared for some even tougher questions in the future.
I think the biggest difference for us though was the stress of getting to this point. Going through the process was very demanding and difficult. It is a stress I don't think you can even come close to understanding unless you have been there. As I said at the outset, we love these girls as much as any parent loves their child. And to go through months on end having even the smallest question of someone being able to come and take them away without ever getting to see them again, was more stress than I can even begin to describe. Even though we knew that the possibility was extremely remote, the doubt is always there. So when that judge signed that paper making it official it was the biggest sense of relief I have ever felt.
So, is it different? Yes and no.
I think that it would be impossible to love my daughters any more if they were natural born. I feel the same overwhelming need to protect them, nurture them and love them that a natural parent would toward their child. I actually sometimes forget that we haven't always had them. When we are in a relaxed setting and playing it seems very natural. When they act up, I feel the same to need to discipline them so that they can learn to be well adjusted adults. I feel the same need to give them spiritual, educational, and behavioral guidance that a natural parent would. I want the very best for my kids just like anyone else. I also feel we have a very normal parent/child relationship. The girls are very affectionate, but will also throw a tantrum from time to time. They don't really know the situation to be any different than normal, so they act like any other kid.
However, there are some differences. Most of these have come from the method we used, though there are definitely things that a parent who adopts even a new born would tell you are different than having a natural born child. What if your child were a different race? What if people find out they were adopted and ask stupid questions? (see this blog for a good discussion on that topic: Blog ) There are definitely some questions asked by the kids that make being a parent of an adoptive child different than that of a natural born child. We have already faced some of those with our oldest. At school they were talking about babies coming from their mommies tummies. She asked my wife if she came from her tummy. We explained to her that there are many types of mommies and that she had 2 kinds of mommies. A biological mommy and an everyday mommy. We explained that her biological mommy was unable to take care of anyone, not even herself, so she made sure that her daughters were taken care of by a mommy who could. She was intrigued by the idea for a couple days, and asked the same questions a few times to get everything straight in her head, and then moved on. The oldest does have recollection of the biological family. She rarely talks about them at all, but from time to time will bring up something they said, or mention that one of her toys came from them. We are prepared for some even tougher questions in the future.
I think the biggest difference for us though was the stress of getting to this point. Going through the process was very demanding and difficult. It is a stress I don't think you can even come close to understanding unless you have been there. As I said at the outset, we love these girls as much as any parent loves their child. And to go through months on end having even the smallest question of someone being able to come and take them away without ever getting to see them again, was more stress than I can even begin to describe. Even though we knew that the possibility was extremely remote, the doubt is always there. So when that judge signed that paper making it official it was the biggest sense of relief I have ever felt.
So, is it different? Yes and no.
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Legal System
What can I say about the legal system? Oh yeah, it sucks! Obviously this world is screwed up, just for the fact that there has to be a system in place to protect kids. However, the sad reality is that the system is set up so that the first priority is that the state doesn't get sued, and the second priority is helping the kids. Lawmakers have tied the hands of CPS workers so much that it makes them very hard for them to do their job. There continues to be new legislation brought up to make it more and more difficult to terminate parental rights. Recently in our state they considered making the waiting period after termination of parental rights 120 days from the current 90. All this would really accomplish is keeping kids in the system longer and keep families from being able to adopt sooner. I guess from my perspective it is pretty hard to have sympathy for a parent that is neglecting, or even worse, abusing their children. But the law protects them quite a bit. Some of it is understandable. There have to be some safety valves in place in case of false accusations, mistaken identities, or a parent who had a really bad day and has since gotten their act straight. The problem is that those kind of cases are definitely the minority. Through our year and half plus time of dealing with the system, we were in court at least every 3 months. Each time there were multiple cases on the docket that we would listen to while waiting for ours to be called. Not once did I see a parent who was truly doing everything they could to get their children back. There were some who were making a half-hearted attempt while claiming to love their kids. There were others doing nothing other than claiming to love them. Most would skip drug tests, court ordered classes, and one even shaved his head to avoid a hair sample being taken for a drug test. If you truly loved your kids wouldn't you do everything you possibly could to get clean or get your act together to get them back?
Our case was a little different than most, in that we had very little effort being put forth by the actual parents, but it was other relatives that were trying to get custody. The problem for them was they were completely unfit as well. Without going into too much detail, they put on a pretty good front for a while, and even had some of those involved in the decision making process fooled for a bit. But you can only hide your true self for so long, and eventually they exposed themselves. We came to a point after a little over a year where we thought it was all over, to only have another legal snafu come up that delayed us another 5 months. The infuriating thing was that the little "snafu" should never have been allowed in the first place. Fortunately for us the end result was total joy! Not all Foster/Adopt parents are so lucky.
My final statement on going through this system to adopt is this: There is probably no harder route to take to have kids, but the rewards are greater that anything I can imagine. To know that we have taken 2 beautiful little lives and given them opportunities they would never have had otherwise, is almost overwhelming. I would not recommend this route to everyone. But, if you have the desire, and feel you have what it takes to get through the emotional roller coaster, I encourage you to prayerfully consider it.
Our case was a little different than most, in that we had very little effort being put forth by the actual parents, but it was other relatives that were trying to get custody. The problem for them was they were completely unfit as well. Without going into too much detail, they put on a pretty good front for a while, and even had some of those involved in the decision making process fooled for a bit. But you can only hide your true self for so long, and eventually they exposed themselves. We came to a point after a little over a year where we thought it was all over, to only have another legal snafu come up that delayed us another 5 months. The infuriating thing was that the little "snafu" should never have been allowed in the first place. Fortunately for us the end result was total joy! Not all Foster/Adopt parents are so lucky.
My final statement on going through this system to adopt is this: There is probably no harder route to take to have kids, but the rewards are greater that anything I can imagine. To know that we have taken 2 beautiful little lives and given them opportunities they would never have had otherwise, is almost overwhelming. I would not recommend this route to everyone. But, if you have the desire, and feel you have what it takes to get through the emotional roller coaster, I encourage you to prayerfully consider it.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Our Lives Changed Forever
So after the initial shock of getting kids in our home so quickly the gravity of the situation started to sink in. We had initially asked for kids classified as Foster to Adopt Legal Risk.
Let me take a second to explain the different classifications.
Foster Only - This category is pretty self explanatory. Kids in this classification are very likely to go back to their parents or to a different relative.
Foster to Adopt - These are kids that could go either way. The family may get it together or the rights might be terminated and the children become adoptable.
Foster to Adopt Legal Risk - These kids have come from a situation where CPS is fairly confident that the rights will eventually be terminated.
Adopt Only - This also is pretty self explanatory in that these kids are adoptable already.
The reason we had asked for the FALR category was we knew we would have a hard time giving up the kids if they went back to the family, but it is virtually impossible to find very young children in the Adopt Only category. So we were willing to take the risk. The girls came to us in the Foster to Adopt category. We were told they were pretty sure they would be moved to FALR pretty quickly. We went into this having decided that we would treat the girls as if they were never leaving no matter what the legal status. We felt that if we held back part of our hearts from them that they would sense it and not feel safe and secure. We figured we would deal with the heartache and turmoil that could come from losing them after the fact instead of trying to hold back. This meant we got attached very quickly. If you have ever met our girls you would know why.
The first few days are kind of a blur. My wife's work knew we were planning this and that we might not have much notice. So they were very accommodating about letting her take a 4 week leave of absence. I work for my brother and my work was pretty flexible at the time, so I was able to take the first few days off, and then work from home a few days. The girls had obviously had no structure. The oldest was 2.5 and the baby was 5 months old. The oldest had severe speech delay. She was hard to understand and didn't have much of a vocabulary. The baby was not able to sit up on her own yet, and had a bald spot on the back of her head from being left in a car seat or laid on her back for long periods. We had them evaluated by Easter Seals. They immediately started speech therapy for the oldest and want the youngest to be seen by a mobility specialist. We also started working with them. Within 2 days the baby was able to sit up on her own. By the time the specialist came she was ahead of schedule on many aspects of her mobility. The oldest made quick progress as well. In 4 months when she aged out of Easter Seals. We had her re-evaluated by the local school district and she didn't qualify because her speech was within the bounds of normal by that time. It just showed that these girls had nothing wrong with them other than they were largely ignored at their previous home. Just to show how smart they are, they both are ahead of almost all their classmates at their pre-school. Amazing what a little attention and work will do!
Back to the first few days. We took a lot of walks. The girls would seem to get a little agitated or unruly from time to time. So we would go for a walk. I feel these were very big in the development of our relationships. While walking they didn't have to look at as. It took the oldest a long time to feel comfortable looking us in the eye. She would talk to us much more while on the walks than other times. It also had a great calming effect on them. I highly recommend walks for anyone having trouble with their kids, biological or adopted.
We learned in our classes to not expose them to too much too quickly. They told us to just stay home with them and bond. So we did that for the most part. When going to religious services we would show up just before it started and sit in a back room away from the crowd. We also left pretty quickly afterward. We have an incredible network of family and friends that came by the house to meet them, and get to know them. So they grew comfortable very quickly within our circle of friends. We had a few blow ups at restaurants though in that first month. The oldest was not used to eating anything but fast food and didn't want to try new things. We had to be ready to get our food to go, and take it home to get through a few meals. After persistent and patient work she eventually came around. Though she is still not as an adventurous eater as her sister.
Next up, the legal system...
Let me take a second to explain the different classifications.
Foster Only - This category is pretty self explanatory. Kids in this classification are very likely to go back to their parents or to a different relative.
Foster to Adopt - These are kids that could go either way. The family may get it together or the rights might be terminated and the children become adoptable.
Foster to Adopt Legal Risk - These kids have come from a situation where CPS is fairly confident that the rights will eventually be terminated.
Adopt Only - This also is pretty self explanatory in that these kids are adoptable already.
The reason we had asked for the FALR category was we knew we would have a hard time giving up the kids if they went back to the family, but it is virtually impossible to find very young children in the Adopt Only category. So we were willing to take the risk. The girls came to us in the Foster to Adopt category. We were told they were pretty sure they would be moved to FALR pretty quickly. We went into this having decided that we would treat the girls as if they were never leaving no matter what the legal status. We felt that if we held back part of our hearts from them that they would sense it and not feel safe and secure. We figured we would deal with the heartache and turmoil that could come from losing them after the fact instead of trying to hold back. This meant we got attached very quickly. If you have ever met our girls you would know why.
The first few days are kind of a blur. My wife's work knew we were planning this and that we might not have much notice. So they were very accommodating about letting her take a 4 week leave of absence. I work for my brother and my work was pretty flexible at the time, so I was able to take the first few days off, and then work from home a few days. The girls had obviously had no structure. The oldest was 2.5 and the baby was 5 months old. The oldest had severe speech delay. She was hard to understand and didn't have much of a vocabulary. The baby was not able to sit up on her own yet, and had a bald spot on the back of her head from being left in a car seat or laid on her back for long periods. We had them evaluated by Easter Seals. They immediately started speech therapy for the oldest and want the youngest to be seen by a mobility specialist. We also started working with them. Within 2 days the baby was able to sit up on her own. By the time the specialist came she was ahead of schedule on many aspects of her mobility. The oldest made quick progress as well. In 4 months when she aged out of Easter Seals. We had her re-evaluated by the local school district and she didn't qualify because her speech was within the bounds of normal by that time. It just showed that these girls had nothing wrong with them other than they were largely ignored at their previous home. Just to show how smart they are, they both are ahead of almost all their classmates at their pre-school. Amazing what a little attention and work will do!
Back to the first few days. We took a lot of walks. The girls would seem to get a little agitated or unruly from time to time. So we would go for a walk. I feel these were very big in the development of our relationships. While walking they didn't have to look at as. It took the oldest a long time to feel comfortable looking us in the eye. She would talk to us much more while on the walks than other times. It also had a great calming effect on them. I highly recommend walks for anyone having trouble with their kids, biological or adopted.
We learned in our classes to not expose them to too much too quickly. They told us to just stay home with them and bond. So we did that for the most part. When going to religious services we would show up just before it started and sit in a back room away from the crowd. We also left pretty quickly afterward. We have an incredible network of family and friends that came by the house to meet them, and get to know them. So they grew comfortable very quickly within our circle of friends. We had a few blow ups at restaurants though in that first month. The oldest was not used to eating anything but fast food and didn't want to try new things. We had to be ready to get our food to go, and take it home to get through a few meals. After persistent and patient work she eventually came around. Though she is still not as an adventurous eater as her sister.
Next up, the legal system...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
How it All Started
Back when my wife and I were dating we discussed the topic of kids. I felt very firmly that this world is too screwed up to bring anymore kids into it when there were so many already here that needed a home. She agreed, and we decided that if we ever got to the point that we wanted kids, that adoption was the route we would take. After a few years of marriage that bell started ringing for my wife. At first I went along with it feeling that I owed it to her if she really wanted kids. But after starting the process and making that decision, I quickly got excited about it myself. Initially I did a lot of research about private adoption. The main issue for us there was the cost. It is at the very least a $20,000 method to do a domestic adoption, (unless you happen to know someone wanting to give up their child, and can avoid the agencies) and ranges from slightly less to substantially more for international adoptions. We didn't have that kind of money sitting around. We knew we could afford the kids once they were here, but that fee kept slapping us in the face. Then one day one of my wife's coworkers told her about her friend who adopted through the state. It was basically free. So we immediately started looking into it. We went to an introductory meeting put on by CPS (Child Protective Services). There we learned you had to go through an approval process that is done through an outside agency. We made a few calls and settled on the one that seemed most supportive. We are SO happy we landed where we did! (Later in the process we learned they were the favored agency by many in CPS) We started our classes and the approval process.
I would like to stop for a minute here and talk a bit about the classes. These classes should be taken by all adults, whether planning to have biological children, adopt, or are unsure. They were so informative! They go into the workings of the brain in children, and how to work with them to teach them and discipline them without resorting to corporal punishment. Now, I am not saying I am against spanking in all cases. However, we had our hands tied in that regard for the whole time we had the girls, until the adoption was final. I am glad we did, because it forced us to think more, and slow down when handling situations where discipline was needed. There were definitely times when it was very hard not to give them a spanking. When a child is throwing a tantrum on the floor and telling you "No!" it pushes your patience. However, using the methods we were taught worked, they just took more time. Now that spanking is available to us I have yet to use it. The other methods work quickly 99.9% of the time. That is not to say that they will never get a spanking. But if they do, they will know it is about something serious.
The other thing the classes teach you is to examine yourself and your reasons for wanting kids. They straight up tell you that if you are doing this because you need to hear "I love you daddy" from a child, to go have your own. The children that come through the system have gone through some heinous things or else they wouldn't be in the system. Because of that, many of them have some pretty serious emotional and developmental issues. We were very lucky to get the girls we did, but I will go into that later. All in all, the classes were a huge help through the whole process and I don't think we could have done it without them.
Initially we had planned to ask for one child as young as possible. (getting a baby through CPS is almost impossible.) But as we were going through the classes we both realized that we didn't want an only child. We also thought it made much more sense to get siblings than to go through the process twice. There are also some pretty significant financial benefits from the state for adopting siblings. So we decided to ask for an infant and their older sibling 4 years old or younger. As we went further through the process we noticed that we were both drawn toward things for girls. Since we had the ability to ask for anything we wanted we decided to make that request specific to girls. (They had to share a room so we wanted 2 of the same sex) We knew that putting more restrictions on what we would accept could make for a long wait, but we felt that what we were asking for was the best fit for us, so we were okay with that. We completed the classes, background checks, and the homestudy. The only thing left was to sign our contracts with the agency. We had told them we wanted to go on the waiting list on a specific date. We were paying off a couple debts and thought that would be a good time to go forward. We were expecting a long wait since we had requested such a specific situation. Two weeks before the date we had told them, we got a call at 4:30 in the afternoon. They had an emergency placement that was exactly what we were looking for. Would we be willing? Uh, YES! They were at our house at 6:00. So we went from 0 to 2 in an hour and a half! To be continued...
I would like to stop for a minute here and talk a bit about the classes. These classes should be taken by all adults, whether planning to have biological children, adopt, or are unsure. They were so informative! They go into the workings of the brain in children, and how to work with them to teach them and discipline them without resorting to corporal punishment. Now, I am not saying I am against spanking in all cases. However, we had our hands tied in that regard for the whole time we had the girls, until the adoption was final. I am glad we did, because it forced us to think more, and slow down when handling situations where discipline was needed. There were definitely times when it was very hard not to give them a spanking. When a child is throwing a tantrum on the floor and telling you "No!" it pushes your patience. However, using the methods we were taught worked, they just took more time. Now that spanking is available to us I have yet to use it. The other methods work quickly 99.9% of the time. That is not to say that they will never get a spanking. But if they do, they will know it is about something serious.
The other thing the classes teach you is to examine yourself and your reasons for wanting kids. They straight up tell you that if you are doing this because you need to hear "I love you daddy" from a child, to go have your own. The children that come through the system have gone through some heinous things or else they wouldn't be in the system. Because of that, many of them have some pretty serious emotional and developmental issues. We were very lucky to get the girls we did, but I will go into that later. All in all, the classes were a huge help through the whole process and I don't think we could have done it without them.
Initially we had planned to ask for one child as young as possible. (getting a baby through CPS is almost impossible.) But as we were going through the classes we both realized that we didn't want an only child. We also thought it made much more sense to get siblings than to go through the process twice. There are also some pretty significant financial benefits from the state for adopting siblings. So we decided to ask for an infant and their older sibling 4 years old or younger. As we went further through the process we noticed that we were both drawn toward things for girls. Since we had the ability to ask for anything we wanted we decided to make that request specific to girls. (They had to share a room so we wanted 2 of the same sex) We knew that putting more restrictions on what we would accept could make for a long wait, but we felt that what we were asking for was the best fit for us, so we were okay with that. We completed the classes, background checks, and the homestudy. The only thing left was to sign our contracts with the agency. We had told them we wanted to go on the waiting list on a specific date. We were paying off a couple debts and thought that would be a good time to go forward. We were expecting a long wait since we had requested such a specific situation. Two weeks before the date we had told them, we got a call at 4:30 in the afternoon. They had an emergency placement that was exactly what we were looking for. Would we be willing? Uh, YES! They were at our house at 6:00. So we went from 0 to 2 in an hour and a half! To be continued...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My girls Adopted Me
As of this last Wednesday I officially became an adoptive father. It was a long and difficult process. It came with many heartaches and sleepless nights. But I could not be happier. I am not sure it has even completely sunk in yet. I am going to leave a lot of the personal information vague. The biological family lives here in the same city and I have no desire for them to find us.
I have entitled this blog "Adopted Dad" because the more I think about it the more I feel that my girls adopted me, more than the other way around. Yes, I am responsible for their welfare and upbringing. Yes I have adopted them into my heart just as if they were my biological children. But, they run to hug me when I get home and call me daddy. They give me the biggest smiles, and hug me tighter than I would have thought possible with their little arms. They know no difference between me as their adoptive father or as just daddy. They adopted me to be their daddy.
I am by no means a writer. I took a couple creative writing courses in college and have made a few starts at books that never got finished, but an accomplished writer I am not. I just feel that I need an outlet to describe the journey that my wife and I went through to get to last Wednesday. I also thought it might be fun to share the joys and sorrows of parenthood. Those feelings are the same whether you brought your kids home from the hospital or the courtroom.
I have entitled this blog "Adopted Dad" because the more I think about it the more I feel that my girls adopted me, more than the other way around. Yes, I am responsible for their welfare and upbringing. Yes I have adopted them into my heart just as if they were my biological children. But, they run to hug me when I get home and call me daddy. They give me the biggest smiles, and hug me tighter than I would have thought possible with their little arms. They know no difference between me as their adoptive father or as just daddy. They adopted me to be their daddy.
I am by no means a writer. I took a couple creative writing courses in college and have made a few starts at books that never got finished, but an accomplished writer I am not. I just feel that I need an outlet to describe the journey that my wife and I went through to get to last Wednesday. I also thought it might be fun to share the joys and sorrows of parenthood. Those feelings are the same whether you brought your kids home from the hospital or the courtroom.
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