Is life as an adoptive parent different than that of a biological parent? That is a good question. Since I have never been a biological parent I can't answer that question with a definitive answer. My feeling on the matter though is yes and no. Vague right? Let me explain.
I think that it would be impossible to love my daughters any more if they were natural born. I feel the same overwhelming need to protect them, nurture them and love them that a natural parent would toward their child. I actually sometimes forget that we haven't always had them. When we are in a relaxed setting and playing it seems very natural. When they act up, I feel the same to need to discipline them so that they can learn to be well adjusted adults. I feel the same need to give them spiritual, educational, and behavioral guidance that a natural parent would. I want the very best for my kids just like anyone else. I also feel we have a very normal parent/child relationship. The girls are very affectionate, but will also throw a tantrum from time to time. They don't really know the situation to be any different than normal, so they act like any other kid.
However, there are some differences. Most of these have come from the method we used, though there are definitely things that a parent who adopts even a new born would tell you are different than having a natural born child. What if your child were a different race? What if people find out they were adopted and ask stupid questions? (see this blog for a good discussion on that topic: Blog ) There are definitely some questions asked by the kids that make being a parent of an adoptive child different than that of a natural born child. We have already faced some of those with our oldest. At school they were talking about babies coming from their mommies tummies. She asked my wife if she came from her tummy. We explained to her that there are many types of mommies and that she had 2 kinds of mommies. A biological mommy and an everyday mommy. We explained that her biological mommy was unable to take care of anyone, not even herself, so she made sure that her daughters were taken care of by a mommy who could. She was intrigued by the idea for a couple days, and asked the same questions a few times to get everything straight in her head, and then moved on. The oldest does have recollection of the biological family. She rarely talks about them at all, but from time to time will bring up something they said, or mention that one of her toys came from them. We are prepared for some even tougher questions in the future.
I think the biggest difference for us though was the stress of getting to this point. Going through the process was very demanding and difficult. It is a stress I don't think you can even come close to understanding unless you have been there. As I said at the outset, we love these girls as much as any parent loves their child. And to go through months on end having even the smallest question of someone being able to come and take them away without ever getting to see them again, was more stress than I can even begin to describe. Even though we knew that the possibility was extremely remote, the doubt is always there. So when that judge signed that paper making it official it was the biggest sense of relief I have ever felt.
So, is it different? Yes and no.
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