So after the initial shock of getting kids in our home so quickly the gravity of the situation started to sink in. We had initially asked for kids classified as Foster to Adopt Legal Risk.
Let me take a second to explain the different classifications.
Foster Only - This category is pretty self explanatory. Kids in this classification are very likely to go back to their parents or to a different relative.
Foster to Adopt - These are kids that could go either way. The family may get it together or the rights might be terminated and the children become adoptable.
Foster to Adopt Legal Risk - These kids have come from a situation where CPS is fairly confident that the rights will eventually be terminated.
Adopt Only - This also is pretty self explanatory in that these kids are adoptable already.
The reason we had asked for the FALR category was we knew we would have a hard time giving up the kids if they went back to the family, but it is virtually impossible to find very young children in the Adopt Only category. So we were willing to take the risk. The girls came to us in the Foster to Adopt category. We were told they were pretty sure they would be moved to FALR pretty quickly. We went into this having decided that we would treat the girls as if they were never leaving no matter what the legal status. We felt that if we held back part of our hearts from them that they would sense it and not feel safe and secure. We figured we would deal with the heartache and turmoil that could come from losing them after the fact instead of trying to hold back. This meant we got attached very quickly. If you have ever met our girls you would know why.
The first few days are kind of a blur. My wife's work knew we were planning this and that we might not have much notice. So they were very accommodating about letting her take a 4 week leave of absence. I work for my brother and my work was pretty flexible at the time, so I was able to take the first few days off, and then work from home a few days. The girls had obviously had no structure. The oldest was 2.5 and the baby was 5 months old. The oldest had severe speech delay. She was hard to understand and didn't have much of a vocabulary. The baby was not able to sit up on her own yet, and had a bald spot on the back of her head from being left in a car seat or laid on her back for long periods. We had them evaluated by Easter Seals. They immediately started speech therapy for the oldest and want the youngest to be seen by a mobility specialist. We also started working with them. Within 2 days the baby was able to sit up on her own. By the time the specialist came she was ahead of schedule on many aspects of her mobility. The oldest made quick progress as well. In 4 months when she aged out of Easter Seals. We had her re-evaluated by the local school district and she didn't qualify because her speech was within the bounds of normal by that time. It just showed that these girls had nothing wrong with them other than they were largely ignored at their previous home. Just to show how smart they are, they both are ahead of almost all their classmates at their pre-school. Amazing what a little attention and work will do!
Back to the first few days. We took a lot of walks. The girls would seem to get a little agitated or unruly from time to time. So we would go for a walk. I feel these were very big in the development of our relationships. While walking they didn't have to look at as. It took the oldest a long time to feel comfortable looking us in the eye. She would talk to us much more while on the walks than other times. It also had a great calming effect on them. I highly recommend walks for anyone having trouble with their kids, biological or adopted.
We learned in our classes to not expose them to too much too quickly. They told us to just stay home with them and bond. So we did that for the most part. When going to religious services we would show up just before it started and sit in a back room away from the crowd. We also left pretty quickly afterward. We have an incredible network of family and friends that came by the house to meet them, and get to know them. So they grew comfortable very quickly within our circle of friends. We had a few blow ups at restaurants though in that first month. The oldest was not used to eating anything but fast food and didn't want to try new things. We had to be ready to get our food to go, and take it home to get through a few meals. After persistent and patient work she eventually came around. Though she is still not as an adventurous eater as her sister.
Next up, the legal system...
No comments:
Post a Comment