Weird Sentences

So last week I posted a list of funny things the kids have said.  I have also been keeping a list of weird sentences we find coming out of our mouths.  A few of these were submitted by friends, but most of these were ours.  Enjoy!


We don't throw fits on the potty.

Don't put the pencil sharpener on you sister's toe... I don't care if it fits!

No!  We don't eat gel.

I was inspired by Snow White.

Put the dishes back in the kitchen.  You can use them to cook, not as skateboards.

Yes you can make a salad with the paper towels.

You can't say "no" to someone who's not here.  They can't hear you.

No chewing on your sister's skunk.

Pick up your balls girls.

Everyone has nose hairs.

Were in a gazebo not a canoe.

Because we don't have a spaceship.

They're not balls, they're breasts.

Books are not vacuum cleaners.

Don't chase your sister with your hot dog in your mouth.

Is it cold?  That's because it's ice.

You can't eat your Cheerios if you're playing with your rock.

She Tinker-fied me.

You just hit mommy in the head with your fork!

The last straw was when you licked the soap.

But thats not your pocket that's your zipper.

Cucumbers can't walk.

Don't sit on the dirty diapers.  That's poopy!

Knives don't go on your head!

It's refried beans not free beans.

We don't lick people.  That's gross!

Shoes are not food!

What did he do?  He tried to bite her lamb?

You ate my owie?  How'd that taste?

Be careful!  Don't bite your fingers!

Put your skunk and monkey away.

No spitting in the car!

Just stop thinking about spit!

We don't gargle our hot chocolate!

No gargling in the car.

"But/butt" has more than one meaning.

She can't.  She has her hippos in her hands.

Panties don't go in your mouth.

Stop!  Don't ever lick an escalator.

Stop licking the furniture!

No, the gum under the table is not your surprise treat.

You can't pee in the yard.  We don't live in the country anymore.

Stop flicking my nipple son.

Stop rubbing your food on me.

Kid Quotes

I have been keeping track of some of the funny things our girls say.  I am hoping to have enough for a book someday.  In the mean time here is my current list.  Enjoy.  I call it:


Heard from the backseat

Kid 1: Why is the house made of stones?
Me: Because it makes it strong.
Kid 1: Houses can't eat vegetables, it doesn't have a mouth.

Who wants my spit?

If you fall we'll go to the hospital and they will put your head back on.

I'm cooking my worms.

How tall are you?  Little or short?

Wanna see my snot?  It's pretty gross.

Josh, are you awake?  Pick your nose!

Sharks eat spiders!

It's okay spatula girl.

Mommy's wearing me out.

Kid 1:This is giving me a headache
Mom: What is?
Kid 2: Me!

If you don't like green beans I will make you a pillow.

Don't eat the trees!

I spit on my face!

I have a belly on my rash.

I pointed out a beautiful sky: "Mommy painted it!"

It sounds like it's dark.

I swallowed my spit.

I tooted on mommy

I'm gonna eat my pizza all gone, give me your head


Kid1: Are you wearing your pajamas to the store?
Mom: Yes.
Kid 1: Are you pretending?

I have a headache.  It needs some water in there.

In the morning: The moon stayed up.  He went to a party last night.

Mom singing: "Row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily"
Kid 2: No I am Emily!

Kid 1: I want to do it louder
Kid 2: No!  It will give my ears a headache.

They put a tarp on the pool so no one will steal the water.

Kid 1: I don't want it.
Kid 2: Just put it in your pomegranate.


Got any of your own?

Answers

So if you read yesterday's post you will know I asked a bunch of questions about the future of my girls.  If you didn't, scroll down!  Today I think I have an answer to all those questions:  I don't know.  And you know what?  That is okay.  I could get in an accident today on the way home.  One of the girls could develop a serious illness.  One of us could lose our job tomorrow.  Lots of things could happen that would totally change the course of our future.  The thing is that we never really know what tomorrow may bring so there is really no point in worrying about it.  Now I am not saying we shouldn't plan for the future.  That would be a huge mistake.  But the thing I have come to realize is that worrying about what might happen is completely pointless.  All it will do is add stress to your life, and Lord knows we all have enough to stress about.

I have absolutely no control over their future health.  I cannot predict their likes and dislikes as they grow older.  I cannot know that they will listen to and follow everything I teach them.  So what do I do about it?  I do the best job I can at being a dad.  I teach them the things that are important.  I teach them how to listen, how to learn.  I teach them to think for themselves and not rely on any other person to define who they are.  I teach them that it doesn't matter what the kids in school think about you, even though it may feel like the most important thing in their life at the moment.  I teach them right from wrong.  I teach them how to study and find answers on their own.  I teach them not to let others walk all over them, but at the same time to look for ways to help others.  If I do the best job I can at doing those types of things, then I have to have faith that they will turn into excellent young women.  If they choose to take another path I am sure I will be heart broken, but at least I will know I tried my best.

Also, if I am constantly worried that the girls are going to get injured or sick, I wouldn't let them experience new things.  I feel parents today have gone over board in trying to protect their kids.  Everything these days is so anti-bacterial that the first time a kid comes into contact with a germ they get sick.  When I was a kid I got hurt.  I have the scars to prove it.  But guess what?  I am still here, and I am a better person for those scars.  We didn't even have car seats when I was a kid, but we survived it.  Now I am not saying to tell your kid to run with scissors.  Buckle them up, put helmets on them before they ride their bikes, keep them safe, but let them experience life!  If you don't fall down a few times you never learn how to get back up.

Every day has new little discoveries.  It has opportunities to make memories.  That email can wait a few hours.  The dishes will still be there once the kids are in bed.  Do you really need to update your Facebook status?  One of the biggest things I keep trying to work on is being present with my girls.  I only get a couple hours a day with them after I get home from work and before they go to bed.  So during that time they need all my attention.  So if you know me, don't call between 5:30 and 7:30 unless it is an emergency.  If you text me, I won't reply until later.  Because the only way that I can teach them all the things I listed earlier is by spending time with them.  So I guess the main message I am trying to convey here is: Don't worry about the future.  Plan for it.  Work hard to make it good.  But if you are constantly worrying about the future you might just miss the present.   

Questions

Will I be a good dad as the girls get older?
Will I be able to give them everything they need physically, spiritually, and emotionally?
Will they have any of the destructive traits of their biological parents?
Will they have any mental or emotional disorders?
Will they be good in school?
Will they grow up to be confident strong young women?
Will they feel the need for a man to help them define who they are?
Where will they go in life?
Will they follow the religious path I am laying out for them?
How can I impart to them all the things I feel they need to know in a way that will hit home and make a difference in their lives?
How can I teach them about the dangers of this world without scaring them?
How can I keep them from harm without keeping them under lock and key?
Will they feel the need to find their biological family?
What will they think if they do?
Will they have any serious health problems?
Will they grow up to be best friends or not get along?
Why is being a parent so amazing and so hard at the same time?

Just some things I think about.